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chapter 3: treat the source, not the symptoms

26/2/2022

3 Comments

 
As an educator, I have used this as my mantra for decades - you must treat the source, not just the symptoms, otherwise, the symptoms will come back. Not just the same ones, either, but more and worse ones. I have always believed that you cannot properly teach a child school stuff when they are hungry, or being hit at home, or experiencing daily fighting amongst their parents. School is just lower on the hierarchy. 
Right at the beginning of the chapter, Noland gets right to his insights. On pages 35-36, I find it very meaningful when he says, "If you are at the place where you are telling yourself, I can't murder this person, or I can't commit adultery with her, aren't you past the front door and already dangerously into the house?" It's so true! There are certainly different stages of sin, each one sinking us deeper into it than the previous one. It is important to note that he goes on to say on pages 36-37, "If someone stands at your front door with a temptation, just because they are at your door does not mean you have sinned...The opportunity to sin is not a sin." Once we have invited that sin in - it becomes a sin. This is worth remembering!
Another profound passage (to me) is the last full paragraph on page 37. I won't quote it because it is too long, but please have a careful read of it, as it addresses treating the symptoms. Similarly, isn't that what confession is about? I find that people who regularly confess their sins are really just confessing their symptoms, not the source. When we confess our sins to God, we also need to ask Him to help us address the root cause of our sin (which, incidentally, I have found is usually based around pride in some way - at least for me). In fact, later on in the chapter, on page 40, he says, "Confession is not an end, but simply a beginning to the process of restoration." That is actually worth repeating! Do you find yourself confessing the same sin to God fairly regularly, maybe daily? A lot of times it's because we treat it as the end - we've confessed it so we can move on. The problem is the root is still there. Like pulling the head off a dandelion, we haven't really done much at all except taken care of aesthetics for a day. 
Finally, so as not to talk too much more, I just want to say that the scripture Noland leaves us with at the end of the chapter, Romans 8:5-6 is one that I personally find very meaningful in my life right now - as in this very minute. It can be such a battle, can't it, guys?
3 Comments

Chapter 2 - Grace, not grief; conviction not condemnation

12/2/2022

7 Comments

 
Well, now this can be a tough chapter for many of us! I like the scenario Robert gives at the beginning of the chapter, because it can apply to almost all of us in that when we look at the 10 Commandments, for example, we often tend to think that we do pretty good in those terms. That, however, is only when we look on the surface of the commandments and don't really get into what they really mean. I did an exercise with a group of teenagers once where we discovered that they (and I also) were guilty of breaking every single one of the commandments! If we look at what what is meant behind each one, we will realize that we don't have it all together on most of them - or any of them! There is no room for self-righteousness here! Even if we have nine of them that we have mastered but still have one area that falls into our 'darling sin' category, we are still guilty of breaking them all. That is difficult! One of the most poignant lines that stuck out to me was on page 27, was "Everyone knew the law said adultery was forbidden, but they only applied that in the physical world, not the spiritual, mental, and emotional." I find that we often try to excuse ourselves by saying that we aren't acting on it. Well that is only one part of it. I remember a happily married man telling me long ago, when an obviously attractive woman went by and he leered at her and commented, "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat your dinner at home!" Well, it turns out it DOES matter!  On page 32, Robert talks about the single guy who says, "when I get married, I will be so in love and ready for a wife that lust won't be an issue anymore," which he also points out is a great lie of Satan. I have found this to be so true in my life as I look on my past actions and how I lived before God got a hold of me. Even after I got married, it was still a struggle because that is the habit I had nurtured. It is much easier to form a habit than to break it!
Changing gears a little bit, on page 30, Robert states that "we spend so much time now on all the things we need to stop that we struggle to take the time to discuss what we should start." This is observantly saying that we are so often on the defensive that we don't have the time or energy to be on the offensive. Try winning a sporting event playing only defense and no offense! This is something that I have honestly never heard preached from the pulpits or at a men's breakfast! If we are on the offensive, we are not just trying to not think about other women lustfully, we are thinking about our own wives. Try thinking about your wife when you see an attractive woman who may make your thoughts wander a bit...it really does change things! 
OK - I need to stop talking! What gripped you guys most about this chapter?
7 Comments

Welcome to Week #1!

3/2/2022

18 Comments

 
Welcome Gentlemen!
I hope that this idea will work and that we will all get something out of the book and each others comments and replies.
Right off the top, please be sure to read the introduction. It is very short, but also very poignant. The focus is not being the men we should be, despite our strong desire to be. Do not overlook this! This has been very meaningful to me, especially, over the last little while. To paraphrase Paul - I do what I don't want to do, and I don't do what I want to do. If you really let that sink in, it is a helpless condition - but one many of us share. On page 6, the quoted scripture at the end from the Message version kind of kidney punches me. It is so clear and highlights one of my own frustrations. 
I would also like to point out Noland's distinguishing of 'do' and 'be' on the next page: "Do is an action which we start and stop, while be is a state we are in, or a reality, an "actuality". This is a great way to distinguish the difference between the two. It isn't a play on words - it is a way to make us more conscious of what state we are currently in - are we being, or doing when it comes to our spiritual walk?
In the first chapter, on page 14, Noland tell about a friend who names a condition "slot-machine faith" - a very appropriate name. I have had a few guys randomly email as tell me that they have screwed up their relationships with their children, and wanted to know how to get it back. I gave them advice on what I thought they had to do, and asked them to let me know how it turns out...they never email back. Did they forget? Not likely. Chances are they were unwilling to follow the difficult, humbling, self-sacrificing advice they received. They wanted a 'slot-machine' fix. 
I don't want to steal anyone else's thunder, since I have the advantage of being the first to comment on this chapter, but there is one more nugget of wisdom I would like to point out: On page 17, Noland succinctly says, "We can only become great at what we apply." For example, I love hockey. I watch almost all of the Leaf games on TV and I have coached my son's teams for 10+ years. I understand the game very well. I didn't, however, as matter of finances, play the game (apart from road hockey) until I turned 30. Even then, it was only ever shinny. Despite all my knowledge of hockey, was I great at it? Absolutely not - because I didn't apply that knowledge enough to become great. I did apply that knowledge to baseball and considered making a career of it. Knowledge is not enough. We have to apply it!
I am eager to hear what you guys all thought of this chapter, and what stood out to you.
​Stay REAL!
18 Comments

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