I know it is hard to feel sorry for me – my non-teacher friends always remind me – but after two weeks off for Christmas, it is really hard to get back in the swing of things. I loved my time off with my family so much that it always seems to fly by. I am not asking that you feel sorry for me, anyway, just stating a fact. It is hard to get back into routine. My first day back was greeted by numerous students who had seemingly saved up their issues over the holidays and then dumped them on me the first chance possible. As a high school guidance counsellor, though, I am glad these students were still alive to tell me of their problems.
Here is a briefer of what was disclosed to me during the first two days back at school: one boy had beaten up his mother, one girl had been fondled in a sexual way by her step-father, another by her biological father (two completely separate events), another girl had an abortion, another 16-year-old was leaving the school to move 2 hours away to live with her boyfriend, and two boys were peer pressured to fight each other despite neither one really wanting to fight at all. And those were just some of the issues. Looking back at each event, though, all these young people had one thing in common: not one of them had a positive male role model at home, and only one lived with her biological father. This isn’t a coincidence. So the holidays were over for me, but for these innocent lives, they probably had never really begun.
This both breaks my heart...and makes me flaming angry! While in my office, I sometimes can’t help but think what I would do to these “men” (and I use the word loosely) if they were in front of me. I am not condoning violence, but I do believe that some guys need to understand what they are doing to the precious lives they have been commissioned to nurture and protect. Does that make me a bad person because my thoughts are immediately angry? I don’t believe so – and neither does Paul Coughlin, who will be speaking at REAL DADS 3rd annual Christian Men’s Conference on April 30th.
Here is an excerpt from his book, Unleashing Courageous Faith, which, as far as I am concerned, is surpassed only by the Bible, itself:
A seminary professor’s mind can ponder wisdom, order, and justice. His brain can help him to discern the weightier matters of theology and assist him with understanding sacred text in its original language. His heart can affirm what is valuable and beautiful and stir a desire within him to love god, his wife, his children, and his neighbour. It can inspire him to lift his hands toward heaven as he praises God in corporate worship.
But if he has no animating urge, no motivating courage or gumption compelling him to take the risks that are required to create and establish justice, he becomes a paper lion, a punch line, a cautionary tale. If he has no fire burning in his belly, no tenacity to inflate his chest and lungs, he won’t be able to withstand, genuinely and authentically, the turmoil that accompanies the reality of loving people on earth or God in heaven.
What good is such a person who earnestly studies God with his mind, sincerely praises him from his heart, but fails to actualize either his thoughts or emotions? Where is his fiery faith put into being – which, by the way, is something God expects from us? What if a man does not labour to put feet on the good desires born in his head and heart? Doesn’t that make him the noisy gong that the apostle Paul denounces? Isn’t he what James would call a talker but not a doer?
Maybe I just described your father. Or a sibling. Or a friend. Or you. I know this much: I just described the life I lived for far too long.
For years and years I was not connecting with or activating a special region within me, a dimension that my spiritual training didn’t even address or, when it briefly touched on the matter, told me was off limits and sinful. It’s a God-designed area, within me and within you, where courage and its fruits – unsentimental love and a martial spirit (to name just two) – are forged and stored.
This is a soul region that the ancient Greeks studied, praised, and placed warning signs around. It is a place that is a gift to those we love – if we’ll do the soul-work required to grow it and unleash it. It’s also a curse if it isn’t seasoned and disciplined. At times it appears elusive. It’s a lost piece in our spiritual puzzle. For many of us, it’s our absent ingredient, the missing link in our spiritual journey.
The Greeks called it thumos (sometimes spelled thymos). This powerful word bulges with meaning, and it doesn’t translate into English without some hitches. God created men and women with a thumos, a “fight drive,” a courageous and animating spirit, without which we don’t grow in spiritual breadth and depth, are unable to deeply love, consistently fail to lead or surmount the sins of our flesh.
(from Coughlin, Paul, Unleashing Courageous Faith [pgs 21-22])
While I would like to continue the excerpt, I would probably go on until the end of the book, not just because I love the message, but because it is relevant! I hope you all felt anger in reading the phrases of what had occurred in the lives of some of these students. If not, you are not tapping into that part in your soul that God gave you that really seems to separate men from women – shall we call it your spiritual balls? Forgive me, but if the shoe fits...
Over the next several weeks, I would like to highlight sections from Coughlin’s books – primarily Unleashing Courageous Faith, No More Christian Nice Guy, and No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps. Three outstanding books, each with their own message. For those in the Barrie, Ontario area, I am considering a book club for reading No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps. I will provide the books, and the venue - all you have to do is show up once a week. If you are interested, please contact me and we can set it up.
Do you feel that stirring in the depths of your being? That is your thumos waking up...
Stay REAL!
Here is a briefer of what was disclosed to me during the first two days back at school: one boy had beaten up his mother, one girl had been fondled in a sexual way by her step-father, another by her biological father (two completely separate events), another girl had an abortion, another 16-year-old was leaving the school to move 2 hours away to live with her boyfriend, and two boys were peer pressured to fight each other despite neither one really wanting to fight at all. And those were just some of the issues. Looking back at each event, though, all these young people had one thing in common: not one of them had a positive male role model at home, and only one lived with her biological father. This isn’t a coincidence. So the holidays were over for me, but for these innocent lives, they probably had never really begun.
This both breaks my heart...and makes me flaming angry! While in my office, I sometimes can’t help but think what I would do to these “men” (and I use the word loosely) if they were in front of me. I am not condoning violence, but I do believe that some guys need to understand what they are doing to the precious lives they have been commissioned to nurture and protect. Does that make me a bad person because my thoughts are immediately angry? I don’t believe so – and neither does Paul Coughlin, who will be speaking at REAL DADS 3rd annual Christian Men’s Conference on April 30th.
Here is an excerpt from his book, Unleashing Courageous Faith, which, as far as I am concerned, is surpassed only by the Bible, itself:
A seminary professor’s mind can ponder wisdom, order, and justice. His brain can help him to discern the weightier matters of theology and assist him with understanding sacred text in its original language. His heart can affirm what is valuable and beautiful and stir a desire within him to love god, his wife, his children, and his neighbour. It can inspire him to lift his hands toward heaven as he praises God in corporate worship.
But if he has no animating urge, no motivating courage or gumption compelling him to take the risks that are required to create and establish justice, he becomes a paper lion, a punch line, a cautionary tale. If he has no fire burning in his belly, no tenacity to inflate his chest and lungs, he won’t be able to withstand, genuinely and authentically, the turmoil that accompanies the reality of loving people on earth or God in heaven.
What good is such a person who earnestly studies God with his mind, sincerely praises him from his heart, but fails to actualize either his thoughts or emotions? Where is his fiery faith put into being – which, by the way, is something God expects from us? What if a man does not labour to put feet on the good desires born in his head and heart? Doesn’t that make him the noisy gong that the apostle Paul denounces? Isn’t he what James would call a talker but not a doer?
Maybe I just described your father. Or a sibling. Or a friend. Or you. I know this much: I just described the life I lived for far too long.
For years and years I was not connecting with or activating a special region within me, a dimension that my spiritual training didn’t even address or, when it briefly touched on the matter, told me was off limits and sinful. It’s a God-designed area, within me and within you, where courage and its fruits – unsentimental love and a martial spirit (to name just two) – are forged and stored.
This is a soul region that the ancient Greeks studied, praised, and placed warning signs around. It is a place that is a gift to those we love – if we’ll do the soul-work required to grow it and unleash it. It’s also a curse if it isn’t seasoned and disciplined. At times it appears elusive. It’s a lost piece in our spiritual puzzle. For many of us, it’s our absent ingredient, the missing link in our spiritual journey.
The Greeks called it thumos (sometimes spelled thymos). This powerful word bulges with meaning, and it doesn’t translate into English without some hitches. God created men and women with a thumos, a “fight drive,” a courageous and animating spirit, without which we don’t grow in spiritual breadth and depth, are unable to deeply love, consistently fail to lead or surmount the sins of our flesh.
(from Coughlin, Paul, Unleashing Courageous Faith [pgs 21-22])
While I would like to continue the excerpt, I would probably go on until the end of the book, not just because I love the message, but because it is relevant! I hope you all felt anger in reading the phrases of what had occurred in the lives of some of these students. If not, you are not tapping into that part in your soul that God gave you that really seems to separate men from women – shall we call it your spiritual balls? Forgive me, but if the shoe fits...
Over the next several weeks, I would like to highlight sections from Coughlin’s books – primarily Unleashing Courageous Faith, No More Christian Nice Guy, and No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps. Three outstanding books, each with their own message. For those in the Barrie, Ontario area, I am considering a book club for reading No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps. I will provide the books, and the venue - all you have to do is show up once a week. If you are interested, please contact me and we can set it up.
Do you feel that stirring in the depths of your being? That is your thumos waking up...
Stay REAL!