The Journey of a Lifetime
Congratulations! This really is quite literally the journey of a lifetime. This is the single most important job you can do—so do it right! There are always lots of things to consider when you become a new dad, but the one thing that encapsulates everything is be giving, or don’t be selfish. That might sound like an odd thing to say, but continue on and you will see how it can be true. You will need to be giving to your wife, you will need to be giving of your time, and you will need to be understanding. Some of these things seem intrinsically difficult for a man, but change your mindset—you are an adult now! Finally, be prepared to change your life. Often, we hear men, who are having babies, say that the baby will not change their lifestyle, as if others are supposed to admire them for that. If your new baby does not change your lifestyle, you are not doing your job properly. It is a different phase of your life and it is time for things to change. Besides your wife, there is someone else you need to put ahead of yourself. This is something you need to accept and revel in, because it should only change your life for the better!
The Most Important Task...
As a new father, the most important job you have is to take care of your wife. She will be focussed on the baby 100%. You will need to realize that she will not really even be able to take care of herself. It will be up to you to ensure that she is getting proper rest. Encourage her to take naps during the day and follow up on that encouragement by allowing her to nap when you get home. Let her know that it is OK to let other things slide, but then offer to do those other things yourself. Personally, I am so glad I don’t have to give birth, I am willing to do extra work around the house! But seriously, depression is a disorder that affects up to 80% of women after giving birth. In its mildest form, “baby blues”, it is still a serious condition that can alter her mood for the worse, make her doubt her own abilities as a mother and just make for a bad day. In its worst form, postpartum psychosis, it has been known to instigate murder, suicide, divorce and neglect. It is up to fathers to watch for signs and maintain open communication with the mother. Allow her time away, even if it is an hour to go for a walk by herself. It is time to show her what chivalry is and keep offering her anything that will make her life a little easier. Reassure her that you love her. Listen to her and don’t be the typical male and offer solutions. Change the baby’s diapers, help with the housework, and spend time with the baby. Do not get frustrated with her—she doesn’t need that as she is quite possibly feeling frustrated with herself. Most of all, don’t wait for her to ask you to do these things—just do them! No matter how hard work has been for you, she spent all day with the baby and needs a break. It is time for you to step up! Also, ask her parents or your parents to watch the baby for a couple of hours and take her out to dinner. You both will need the break, and it shows her that you still care about her, and not just the baby, as it is easy to fall into that “new daddy” trap! She needs you now more than ever.
Multi-tasking
While this may seem like multi-tasking, in conjunction with the “most important task”, it shouldn’t be too demanding. As you are taking care of your wife, you need to start your relationship with your new child. Spend time with the baby and ensure that he or she gets to know you as Daddy. Do not underestimate the importance of your baby’s gaze as you change his/her diaper. Be aware of your time spent at work. Cut down non-crucial commitments, if possible. Making money for your family is important, but not most important. Spending time with your new baby is critical. It helps foster good habits for when they are really learning about moral values. Remember, all children need a positive male role model. Make a commitment to stay involved in every aspect of your child’s life. The older the children get, the more they need you to be a present and positive influence in their lives. At the early stage, the most important things you can do is change diapers, read to you baby, even though the baby won’t understand, he/she will hear your voice and it will become familiar. It can be a book of your own choice and need not be a child’s book. Feed the baby with a bottle whenever you have the chance—even if it is 3 am. This is serious bonding time. Take the baby for walks. All of these ideas may seem minor but they are good fathering and set you up for success later on.
Life is Different Now
Your life has changed...accept it. You may have to change. If you smoke, this is an optimal time to try to quit. If you swear a lot, or drink too much, quit that, too. You are a father now. Live like it!
Who Knew it Would Be So Much Fun!!
This is such a great time of life. Don’t miss out on all that it can be by letting your relationship with your wife slide—take care of her. Poems, songs and eulogies have been written about fathers regretting that they were never home and missed their children growing up. I have never heard of a father lamenting the fact that they spent too much time with their children. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you do not have anything to do until the baby gets older. You have lots you can do, but will you do it even if it means extra effort? Finally, do not get hung up on yourself. Fathers can get baby blues, too, because they may feel left out. You are as important now as you were before—maybe even more so. Don’t be looking for praise or pats on the back. Get satisfaction knowing that you are being the best husband and father you can be!
Congratulations! This really is quite literally the journey of a lifetime. This is the single most important job you can do—so do it right! There are always lots of things to consider when you become a new dad, but the one thing that encapsulates everything is be giving, or don’t be selfish. That might sound like an odd thing to say, but continue on and you will see how it can be true. You will need to be giving to your wife, you will need to be giving of your time, and you will need to be understanding. Some of these things seem intrinsically difficult for a man, but change your mindset—you are an adult now! Finally, be prepared to change your life. Often, we hear men, who are having babies, say that the baby will not change their lifestyle, as if others are supposed to admire them for that. If your new baby does not change your lifestyle, you are not doing your job properly. It is a different phase of your life and it is time for things to change. Besides your wife, there is someone else you need to put ahead of yourself. This is something you need to accept and revel in, because it should only change your life for the better!
The Most Important Task...
As a new father, the most important job you have is to take care of your wife. She will be focussed on the baby 100%. You will need to realize that she will not really even be able to take care of herself. It will be up to you to ensure that she is getting proper rest. Encourage her to take naps during the day and follow up on that encouragement by allowing her to nap when you get home. Let her know that it is OK to let other things slide, but then offer to do those other things yourself. Personally, I am so glad I don’t have to give birth, I am willing to do extra work around the house! But seriously, depression is a disorder that affects up to 80% of women after giving birth. In its mildest form, “baby blues”, it is still a serious condition that can alter her mood for the worse, make her doubt her own abilities as a mother and just make for a bad day. In its worst form, postpartum psychosis, it has been known to instigate murder, suicide, divorce and neglect. It is up to fathers to watch for signs and maintain open communication with the mother. Allow her time away, even if it is an hour to go for a walk by herself. It is time to show her what chivalry is and keep offering her anything that will make her life a little easier. Reassure her that you love her. Listen to her and don’t be the typical male and offer solutions. Change the baby’s diapers, help with the housework, and spend time with the baby. Do not get frustrated with her—she doesn’t need that as she is quite possibly feeling frustrated with herself. Most of all, don’t wait for her to ask you to do these things—just do them! No matter how hard work has been for you, she spent all day with the baby and needs a break. It is time for you to step up! Also, ask her parents or your parents to watch the baby for a couple of hours and take her out to dinner. You both will need the break, and it shows her that you still care about her, and not just the baby, as it is easy to fall into that “new daddy” trap! She needs you now more than ever.
Multi-tasking
While this may seem like multi-tasking, in conjunction with the “most important task”, it shouldn’t be too demanding. As you are taking care of your wife, you need to start your relationship with your new child. Spend time with the baby and ensure that he or she gets to know you as Daddy. Do not underestimate the importance of your baby’s gaze as you change his/her diaper. Be aware of your time spent at work. Cut down non-crucial commitments, if possible. Making money for your family is important, but not most important. Spending time with your new baby is critical. It helps foster good habits for when they are really learning about moral values. Remember, all children need a positive male role model. Make a commitment to stay involved in every aspect of your child’s life. The older the children get, the more they need you to be a present and positive influence in their lives. At the early stage, the most important things you can do is change diapers, read to you baby, even though the baby won’t understand, he/she will hear your voice and it will become familiar. It can be a book of your own choice and need not be a child’s book. Feed the baby with a bottle whenever you have the chance—even if it is 3 am. This is serious bonding time. Take the baby for walks. All of these ideas may seem minor but they are good fathering and set you up for success later on.
Life is Different Now
Your life has changed...accept it. You may have to change. If you smoke, this is an optimal time to try to quit. If you swear a lot, or drink too much, quit that, too. You are a father now. Live like it!
Who Knew it Would Be So Much Fun!!
This is such a great time of life. Don’t miss out on all that it can be by letting your relationship with your wife slide—take care of her. Poems, songs and eulogies have been written about fathers regretting that they were never home and missed their children growing up. I have never heard of a father lamenting the fact that they spent too much time with their children. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you do not have anything to do until the baby gets older. You have lots you can do, but will you do it even if it means extra effort? Finally, do not get hung up on yourself. Fathers can get baby blues, too, because they may feel left out. You are as important now as you were before—maybe even more so. Don’t be looking for praise or pats on the back. Get satisfaction knowing that you are being the best husband and father you can be!