Congratulations! You are about to embark on a remarkable journey that will last the rest of your life. This journey is not easy, nor is it always fun, but nothing could be more rewarding - if you do it right! A lot of guys think that parenting is the" woman's department." You will find that the sooner you get right into it, the more it pays off later. Before my first child, I thought that it would be fine... if my wife just changes all the diapers. That, however, is one of the most important times for the father. After all, if your wife is breastfeeding, you can't really have much input. Any time that you can do something with or for your baby - do it! Not only does it show your wife that you want to alleviate some of her stress and workload, but it gives you bonding time with the baby, and you need as much of it as you can get. It pays off later because your child will know who you are, will come to you occasionally for comfort as he/she gets older, and most importantly, your wife will appreciate it. More about that...
Take Care of Mommy
As a guy writing to other guys, don't even think I am going to give you insights into a woman's mind! But I can give you some tips to make life easier. Once you have a baby, that new bundle is part of your marriage, and it will be all-consuming in your thoughts, actions, and words. So consider your marriage at this point. Postpartum depression (PPD) is a very real and very common affliction from which women can suffer after giving birth. Estimates are between 10 and 20% of all women suffer from PPD after giving birth. A milder form of this, called "baby blues", is even more common, with estimates as high as 80% of all women who give birth! You are extremely valuable during this time because there will be many times when your wife will just need to get out of the house by herself. Don't wait for her to scream that need, offer to take the baby so she can go out with a friend, for a walk, or whatever she likes to do, when the baby has been screaming for a long time and she seems frazzled. You must remain supportive during this time -no matter what - because you are the glue that is holding her together. Of course you don't want to listen to a screaming baby on your own, but the break you give your wife could be infinitely more valuable to her than you may ever realize.
Make your wife think that you are the best guy in the world by offering to do things before she asks you to. When she is about to go upstairs to change the baby, take the baby and tell her to sit down because you will do it. Changing the baby, incidentally, can actually be a wonderful experience, believe it or not. Once you get over the initial odour, you have your baby's full attention - and that is rare for the first year! Make dinner whenever you can. That is one of the worst tasks to a new mother. She barely has the energy to do anything, never mind make a meal. Clean up after dinner, and allow her time to sit and relax. Yes, I know you have been working all day, too. So what? Don't be selfish! Chivalry is not dead, no matter what they say. Take one for the team and do a job you do not like to do if it saves her the effort, time and aggravation. Above all else, encourage your wife to take naps, sit and relax, or step out for a hour or so. There is nothing better you can do for her.
These tips are not just meant to score you "brownie points" (although that is an incidental benefit). They are meant to literally preserve your wife's sanity. There will be many times when you can't wait to go to work to get a break. The mom staying at home with baby doesn't get that break. Also, don't be afraid to impose on relatives to baby sit (even if you must pay them), so you and your wife can get some time away together, even if it is for an hour or two. Most relatives (especially your parents) will jump at the chance to spend time with their grandchild. The moral of this lengthy blurb is to take care of your wife, especially during the first months after the baby is born. And don't expect "rewards" for doing so. They will come without you realizing it when your wife is happy and healthy. This part could go on and on, so you may just have to check out the pamphlets!
Routine
I do want to mention one more thing: develop a routine with your new baby. It will make life unbelievably easier for your family. When my first child was born, we didn't know that you could put a baby on a routine! We discovered routine at about three months, and within a week, everything was easier. No lies! Now, many different authors have varying ideas of how to go about routine with a baby. You need to pick the one that you are both most comfortable with, but starting a routine very early is an absolute lifesaver. Keep in mind that the routine is ultimately up to the mother, but if the two of you haven't discussed any sort of routine, encourage your wife to look at various books to see which one you would most prefer. Some suggestions that I would personally endorse are posted in the sidebar. There are, however, many other options.
**REAL DADS offers a 5-session course for new fathers or fathers-to-be, run once a week over 5 weeks. Contact us to let us know you are interested in this series. There is no cost for this seminar.**
Take Care of Mommy
As a guy writing to other guys, don't even think I am going to give you insights into a woman's mind! But I can give you some tips to make life easier. Once you have a baby, that new bundle is part of your marriage, and it will be all-consuming in your thoughts, actions, and words. So consider your marriage at this point. Postpartum depression (PPD) is a very real and very common affliction from which women can suffer after giving birth. Estimates are between 10 and 20% of all women suffer from PPD after giving birth. A milder form of this, called "baby blues", is even more common, with estimates as high as 80% of all women who give birth! You are extremely valuable during this time because there will be many times when your wife will just need to get out of the house by herself. Don't wait for her to scream that need, offer to take the baby so she can go out with a friend, for a walk, or whatever she likes to do, when the baby has been screaming for a long time and she seems frazzled. You must remain supportive during this time -no matter what - because you are the glue that is holding her together. Of course you don't want to listen to a screaming baby on your own, but the break you give your wife could be infinitely more valuable to her than you may ever realize.
Make your wife think that you are the best guy in the world by offering to do things before she asks you to. When she is about to go upstairs to change the baby, take the baby and tell her to sit down because you will do it. Changing the baby, incidentally, can actually be a wonderful experience, believe it or not. Once you get over the initial odour, you have your baby's full attention - and that is rare for the first year! Make dinner whenever you can. That is one of the worst tasks to a new mother. She barely has the energy to do anything, never mind make a meal. Clean up after dinner, and allow her time to sit and relax. Yes, I know you have been working all day, too. So what? Don't be selfish! Chivalry is not dead, no matter what they say. Take one for the team and do a job you do not like to do if it saves her the effort, time and aggravation. Above all else, encourage your wife to take naps, sit and relax, or step out for a hour or so. There is nothing better you can do for her.
These tips are not just meant to score you "brownie points" (although that is an incidental benefit). They are meant to literally preserve your wife's sanity. There will be many times when you can't wait to go to work to get a break. The mom staying at home with baby doesn't get that break. Also, don't be afraid to impose on relatives to baby sit (even if you must pay them), so you and your wife can get some time away together, even if it is for an hour or two. Most relatives (especially your parents) will jump at the chance to spend time with their grandchild. The moral of this lengthy blurb is to take care of your wife, especially during the first months after the baby is born. And don't expect "rewards" for doing so. They will come without you realizing it when your wife is happy and healthy. This part could go on and on, so you may just have to check out the pamphlets!
Routine
I do want to mention one more thing: develop a routine with your new baby. It will make life unbelievably easier for your family. When my first child was born, we didn't know that you could put a baby on a routine! We discovered routine at about three months, and within a week, everything was easier. No lies! Now, many different authors have varying ideas of how to go about routine with a baby. You need to pick the one that you are both most comfortable with, but starting a routine very early is an absolute lifesaver. Keep in mind that the routine is ultimately up to the mother, but if the two of you haven't discussed any sort of routine, encourage your wife to look at various books to see which one you would most prefer. Some suggestions that I would personally endorse are posted in the sidebar. There are, however, many other options.
**REAL DADS offers a 5-session course for new fathers or fathers-to-be, run once a week over 5 weeks. Contact us to let us know you are interested in this series. There is no cost for this seminar.**