Isn't it odd how difficult it is for men to show affection for each other? You know a guy thinks your pretty cool when he slugs you in the shoulder when he sees you or calls you names (all in fun, of course!). That's OK, though, because it is a language only men understand. It takes a good comfort level with another guy to get there, though. Why do we, as men, strive to get to the familiarity with other men where we can insult them and hit them and that is our badge of familiarity? Why? Because we are men. Most of us fall into that stereotypical role at some point.
As we grew up, our fathers were concerned about us growing up to be real men - and real men are tough. There was rarely room for affection (what would other people think?), encouragement (he knows how I feel, I don't need to say it), or talking of hopes and fears (I am a man - I fear nothing!). The truth is, however, we all needed affection, encouragement and deep talks with a strong, positive male role model when we were young. Your children need it, too - from you. Children are little people in a big person's world. They are scared, they need to know you felt the same things because they are striving to be you. Leave encouragement out of the mix and they learn to be apprehensive and have a lack of confidence. They need to hear your approval of what they are doing or attempting because you are everything to them. High school guidance offices are filled with teenagers who do stupid things because they wanted to get their fathers' approval. Since they didn't get that, they lowered their standards and just sought their fathers' acknowledgement. That didn't work either, so they just wanted their fathers to notice them, and doing something stupid will usually do that, albeit in a negative way.
Suggesting that your children know how you feel is a self-defeating argument: if they know how you feel, then it shouldn't bother you to tell them. The truth is they do not know how you feel, or they are at least unsure, if you do not let them know regularly. As they are growing up, they are trying new things and they want to know that Daddy is there with them, to pick them up if they fail, celebrate them when they succeed, and to encourage them as they succeed or fail. Never underestimate the power of a few encouraging words, at any age.
Very recently, I had a REAL DADS booth at Promise Keepers in Mississauga (Nov. '07). I had over a hundred men come over to me, ask about the organization, and leave with generous words of encouragement. That is what I needed to hear. Yes, I need sponsorship or donations, yes, I need people willing to help promote. More than either of those put together, though, I discovered I needed encouragement. I left that Saturday afternoon on an "organizational high" (a new phrase - I'll copyright it later) like none other since I started REAL DADS. A most sincere thank you to those who offered encouragement. You all have encouraged me to persevere in this endeavour. Now, if words of encouragement can mean so much to me, as an adult, how much more would they mean to a child, coming from you - their hero? Essentially, you are telling them they should keep trying, they are doing fine, and they will succeed, in some way, over time; and even if they don't, the act of persevering automatically makes them successful. You are giving your approval of their actions. You are their essence. Fill their tanks with encouragement and watch them go!
Stay REAL!
As we grew up, our fathers were concerned about us growing up to be real men - and real men are tough. There was rarely room for affection (what would other people think?), encouragement (he knows how I feel, I don't need to say it), or talking of hopes and fears (I am a man - I fear nothing!). The truth is, however, we all needed affection, encouragement and deep talks with a strong, positive male role model when we were young. Your children need it, too - from you. Children are little people in a big person's world. They are scared, they need to know you felt the same things because they are striving to be you. Leave encouragement out of the mix and they learn to be apprehensive and have a lack of confidence. They need to hear your approval of what they are doing or attempting because you are everything to them. High school guidance offices are filled with teenagers who do stupid things because they wanted to get their fathers' approval. Since they didn't get that, they lowered their standards and just sought their fathers' acknowledgement. That didn't work either, so they just wanted their fathers to notice them, and doing something stupid will usually do that, albeit in a negative way.
Suggesting that your children know how you feel is a self-defeating argument: if they know how you feel, then it shouldn't bother you to tell them. The truth is they do not know how you feel, or they are at least unsure, if you do not let them know regularly. As they are growing up, they are trying new things and they want to know that Daddy is there with them, to pick them up if they fail, celebrate them when they succeed, and to encourage them as they succeed or fail. Never underestimate the power of a few encouraging words, at any age.
Very recently, I had a REAL DADS booth at Promise Keepers in Mississauga (Nov. '07). I had over a hundred men come over to me, ask about the organization, and leave with generous words of encouragement. That is what I needed to hear. Yes, I need sponsorship or donations, yes, I need people willing to help promote. More than either of those put together, though, I discovered I needed encouragement. I left that Saturday afternoon on an "organizational high" (a new phrase - I'll copyright it later) like none other since I started REAL DADS. A most sincere thank you to those who offered encouragement. You all have encouraged me to persevere in this endeavour. Now, if words of encouragement can mean so much to me, as an adult, how much more would they mean to a child, coming from you - their hero? Essentially, you are telling them they should keep trying, they are doing fine, and they will succeed, in some way, over time; and even if they don't, the act of persevering automatically makes them successful. You are giving your approval of their actions. You are their essence. Fill their tanks with encouragement and watch them go!
Stay REAL!