The dictionary definition of discipline is: “training of the mind and character, aimed at producing self-control, obedience and orderly conduct.” This is a father’s job. Trying to be Mr. Popular will not do the job. Another definition is: “to punish, to reprimand”. Again, not the job for a friend, but a father. People often think that they will not punish their child, but they will raise a sensitive child who has self-control, orderly conduct and obedience because they are not disrespecting their child. Essentially, they are saying they will raise a disciplined child without using discipline – kind of like ordering French fries without the potato: not possible, and not desirable!
You need to help them develop an independent, inner guidance system that will allow them to function independently and responsibly without you. It's like learning to ride a bike: in the media you always see a father holding on the bike, running down the road with his child on it, then he lets go and the child is off on his own. The reality of that situation is the child can’t really tell when the father lets go and he is doing it on his own; so should the child’s inner guidance system act.
Chuck Swindoll “goes on to point out how numerous tests have proven that well-loved, yet well-disciplined children are healthier and have greater maturity needed to become more productive, secure adults than those raised in more discipline-free environments. Good discipline builds up children’s inner strength, giving them healthy self-esteem.”
Believe it or not, children crave discipline, and are intuitive enough to realize that reasonable rules demonstrates a parent’s love. One boy states, “Why doesn’t my father ever say, “You can’t go there,” instead of “It’s your decision”? It makes me feel frightened and alone. If she really loved me she wouldn’t let me always do what I want.” It makes them feel loved and secure.
“A lot of parents have given their children way too much privilege, and all they are getting in return are bad attitudes, disrespect, rebellion and laziness.” (Steve Farrar). There is quite simple psychology behind this one, but it is the inverse of good discipline: good discipline=inner strength, independence and responsibility; no discipline=bad attitudes, disrespect, rebellion and laziness. Parents who employ no discipline also have no right to complain about their child’s behaviour.
You are your child's first example of an authority figure. If you do not act like it, or are a pushover, what will happen to them on the job when they have to deal with a real authority figure? They will not know how to respond appropriately and will likely end up getting fired or they will quit on their own, not being able to hold down a steady job.
Is discipline worth it? You bet it is! Will it be difficult to do? You bet it will! But you have to be prepared to sacrifice your attempt at just friendship with your kid. There are times when fatherhood and friendship just cannot co-exist. As hard as it is at the time, just remember the old saying, "Short term pain for long term gain."
Stay REAL!
You need to help them develop an independent, inner guidance system that will allow them to function independently and responsibly without you. It's like learning to ride a bike: in the media you always see a father holding on the bike, running down the road with his child on it, then he lets go and the child is off on his own. The reality of that situation is the child can’t really tell when the father lets go and he is doing it on his own; so should the child’s inner guidance system act.
Chuck Swindoll “goes on to point out how numerous tests have proven that well-loved, yet well-disciplined children are healthier and have greater maturity needed to become more productive, secure adults than those raised in more discipline-free environments. Good discipline builds up children’s inner strength, giving them healthy self-esteem.”
Believe it or not, children crave discipline, and are intuitive enough to realize that reasonable rules demonstrates a parent’s love. One boy states, “Why doesn’t my father ever say, “You can’t go there,” instead of “It’s your decision”? It makes me feel frightened and alone. If she really loved me she wouldn’t let me always do what I want.” It makes them feel loved and secure.
“A lot of parents have given their children way too much privilege, and all they are getting in return are bad attitudes, disrespect, rebellion and laziness.” (Steve Farrar). There is quite simple psychology behind this one, but it is the inverse of good discipline: good discipline=inner strength, independence and responsibility; no discipline=bad attitudes, disrespect, rebellion and laziness. Parents who employ no discipline also have no right to complain about their child’s behaviour.
You are your child's first example of an authority figure. If you do not act like it, or are a pushover, what will happen to them on the job when they have to deal with a real authority figure? They will not know how to respond appropriately and will likely end up getting fired or they will quit on their own, not being able to hold down a steady job.
Is discipline worth it? You bet it is! Will it be difficult to do? You bet it will! But you have to be prepared to sacrifice your attempt at just friendship with your kid. There are times when fatherhood and friendship just cannot co-exist. As hard as it is at the time, just remember the old saying, "Short term pain for long term gain."
Stay REAL!