If you are a father of school-aged children, then the topic of bullying is relevant to you. People frequently seem misguided when it comes to this topic – especially Christians. With regards to bullies, I have heard (as recently as tonight) to “heap hot coals on their heads by being nice to them, but pray about it first”, and “just ignore them” or “turn the other cheek.” These are three well-meaning ideas, but frankly, they just don’t work. In fact, I would hazard to say that they would almost assuredly backfire!
Each of these methods exposes a high level of timidity on the part of the victim – usually why they are being bullied in the first place! One of the best ways to fight bullying is to not be a victim. And the bully can smell a victim a mile away! Many children are taught that they must be nice and not ruffle feathers, but that is just asking for trouble. There is nothing wrong with being assertive, whether a Christian or not! Here is what Paul Coughlin says in his book, No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps:
Here’s a huge part of the problem: Christians are raising some of our culture’s wimpiest kids. I don’t say that they’re becoming wimpy because we’re teaching them to be humble and training them to embrace patience. They’re going out into the world as wimps because we parents are ignoring the broader counsel of God, pushing away character traits that make us uncomfortable and pretending that being disengaged from the world is actually about holiness and purity, when more often it’s about fear and a lack of love.
Many of us have been following a set of principles that’s incomplete at best. This worldview, this outlook, is no one person’s creation. It’s no one denomination’s fault. It’s handed down from one seminary student to the next. It’s what ministers are told is the central thrust of their faith, the main principles to emphasize on any given Sunday. It’s what many of us have believed makes us believers. I call it The Official Script.
The Official Script likewise ignores God’s broader council, lopping off entire facets of truth about how life is meant to be lived – about what our heart and mind are to become, and about the choices our will is to make. I can’t overstress this: usually our human intentions in all of this are for the absolute best. Nevertheless, by whatever way we call this way of life – Fortress Faith, Barricade Belief, Castle Christianity, Ivory-Tower Idealism – what we’re actually doing is replacing love with fear, goodwill with criticism, joy with anxiety, hope with worry, and strength with silence.
We’re often either marginalizing or largely eradicating such rugged virtues as shrewdness, boldness, and courage. These aspects of integrity require an active and assertive approach toward life – but many Christians think being assertive is wrong. As a result, we’re bringing up our kids to be so sweet and compliant that I wouldn’t be surprised if the federal government and armed forces commissioned studies to determine whether or not children who grew up in churches are capable of defending our country.
A football coach at a Christian high school told me it can take the better part of a season to convince his players that it’s okay to try hard in competing against your opponent. “Many think it’s wrong to,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Some of these boys think it’s wrong to tackle another person. Some of them I’ll never convince otherwise.”
Why would teenage males believe it’s wrong for them to compete? Why would school kids believe it’s wrong for them to set a boundary against an aggressive child or to be proactive and defend someone being bullied? One primary reason is that we’re not showing them all of Jesus – in fact, sometimes we’re showing them a false Jesus.
Read the Gospels, and you will see that, yes, Jesus is the Lamb who was offered as a sacrifice for us. But read Revelations, too; do we know and remember that He’s also the Lion, God’s Ultimate Warrior? He is always and forever the same, yet on the day He returns, no one will be lulled to sleep with talk of “gentle Jesus, meek and mild.”
Jesus is meek – He said so Himself. Meekness is synonymous with yielding and being submissive. But do we ever pause to ask ourselves, What is Jesus meek toward? We cannot read the Gospels and conclude that He was submissive to the will of man, which is always tainted with self-interest and is sometimes wicked. Jesus is submissive to His Father’s will. This is our calling, as well, and it’s what we should be teaching our children. Meekness isn’t false humility, meekness isn’t timidity, and meekness isn’t terror of conflict. Meekness is knowing who we are, believing that what God says is true, and then submitting to Him in obedience because we love Him in response to His love for us.
Overall, that’s not what our children are receiving from us. We’re sending our children out onto life’s daily battlefield in fear. How can we justify this? Most of us haven’t been justifying it, at least not consciously; however, we’re not thinking about what it will mean for them, for now and for the future. Often, we haven’t even yet realized what it means for us – that we’re teaching our kids to be anxious and worried because we are.
(Pgs. 14-16)
Some interesting words that can be hard for some of us to accept. For others of us, this is exactly what we need to hear – almost permission to raise our boys like boys, not wusses. If this passage didn’t really sink in, try reading it again a little slower. This is significant to the rest of your child’s life! If you don’t believe me or Paul Coughlin, just remember that Chuck Norris is a very strong Christian and I wouldn’t say he is timid!
Stay REAL!
Each of these methods exposes a high level of timidity on the part of the victim – usually why they are being bullied in the first place! One of the best ways to fight bullying is to not be a victim. And the bully can smell a victim a mile away! Many children are taught that they must be nice and not ruffle feathers, but that is just asking for trouble. There is nothing wrong with being assertive, whether a Christian or not! Here is what Paul Coughlin says in his book, No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps:
Here’s a huge part of the problem: Christians are raising some of our culture’s wimpiest kids. I don’t say that they’re becoming wimpy because we’re teaching them to be humble and training them to embrace patience. They’re going out into the world as wimps because we parents are ignoring the broader counsel of God, pushing away character traits that make us uncomfortable and pretending that being disengaged from the world is actually about holiness and purity, when more often it’s about fear and a lack of love.
Many of us have been following a set of principles that’s incomplete at best. This worldview, this outlook, is no one person’s creation. It’s no one denomination’s fault. It’s handed down from one seminary student to the next. It’s what ministers are told is the central thrust of their faith, the main principles to emphasize on any given Sunday. It’s what many of us have believed makes us believers. I call it The Official Script.
The Official Script likewise ignores God’s broader council, lopping off entire facets of truth about how life is meant to be lived – about what our heart and mind are to become, and about the choices our will is to make. I can’t overstress this: usually our human intentions in all of this are for the absolute best. Nevertheless, by whatever way we call this way of life – Fortress Faith, Barricade Belief, Castle Christianity, Ivory-Tower Idealism – what we’re actually doing is replacing love with fear, goodwill with criticism, joy with anxiety, hope with worry, and strength with silence.
We’re often either marginalizing or largely eradicating such rugged virtues as shrewdness, boldness, and courage. These aspects of integrity require an active and assertive approach toward life – but many Christians think being assertive is wrong. As a result, we’re bringing up our kids to be so sweet and compliant that I wouldn’t be surprised if the federal government and armed forces commissioned studies to determine whether or not children who grew up in churches are capable of defending our country.
A football coach at a Christian high school told me it can take the better part of a season to convince his players that it’s okay to try hard in competing against your opponent. “Many think it’s wrong to,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Some of these boys think it’s wrong to tackle another person. Some of them I’ll never convince otherwise.”
Why would teenage males believe it’s wrong for them to compete? Why would school kids believe it’s wrong for them to set a boundary against an aggressive child or to be proactive and defend someone being bullied? One primary reason is that we’re not showing them all of Jesus – in fact, sometimes we’re showing them a false Jesus.
Read the Gospels, and you will see that, yes, Jesus is the Lamb who was offered as a sacrifice for us. But read Revelations, too; do we know and remember that He’s also the Lion, God’s Ultimate Warrior? He is always and forever the same, yet on the day He returns, no one will be lulled to sleep with talk of “gentle Jesus, meek and mild.”
Jesus is meek – He said so Himself. Meekness is synonymous with yielding and being submissive. But do we ever pause to ask ourselves, What is Jesus meek toward? We cannot read the Gospels and conclude that He was submissive to the will of man, which is always tainted with self-interest and is sometimes wicked. Jesus is submissive to His Father’s will. This is our calling, as well, and it’s what we should be teaching our children. Meekness isn’t false humility, meekness isn’t timidity, and meekness isn’t terror of conflict. Meekness is knowing who we are, believing that what God says is true, and then submitting to Him in obedience because we love Him in response to His love for us.
Overall, that’s not what our children are receiving from us. We’re sending our children out onto life’s daily battlefield in fear. How can we justify this? Most of us haven’t been justifying it, at least not consciously; however, we’re not thinking about what it will mean for them, for now and for the future. Often, we haven’t even yet realized what it means for us – that we’re teaching our kids to be anxious and worried because we are.
(Pgs. 14-16)
Some interesting words that can be hard for some of us to accept. For others of us, this is exactly what we need to hear – almost permission to raise our boys like boys, not wusses. If this passage didn’t really sink in, try reading it again a little slower. This is significant to the rest of your child’s life! If you don’t believe me or Paul Coughlin, just remember that Chuck Norris is a very strong Christian and I wouldn’t say he is timid!
Stay REAL!