“I’m busy right now.”
Do you remember those words coming from your father when you were just a child? You are on your summer vacation, you don’t really understand the nature of your father’s work, or why reading the newspaper is so important that it precedes you in your father’s list of priorities. You do know how it felt, though. You know you are off school for two months and you want to spend time with him. Maybe it was something else. Maybe you knew not to disturb your father while he was watching the football, baseball or hockey game on TV. Whatever it was, it was crushing to you.
This summer holiday (even if it is only a holiday for your kids, and not you), remember that feeling. When your little ones, kids or grandchildren, want you to do something with them, consider how they feel.
It is so easy for us, as men, to get into a selfish mode. In fact, that is one of man’s greatest faults – selfishness. More than anything, we are selfish with our time; and more than anything, our time is the one thing with which we cannot afford to be selfish when it comes to our children. I have said time and again that time is the most important gift you can give to your children. The newspaper can wait. Another game will be on tomorrow or next week. Kids will only take the “I’m busy” response so many times – then they will stop asking. Then you are in trouble, but more importantly, so are they. They will find another person to give them attention, and that person may not be appropriate.
Listen closely to what your children are saying to you, because nobody is as blunt and to the point as a child. I try not to spend much time on the computer when my kids are awake – or so I thought. But the other day, my daughter said to me (after my typical response of “I’m just checking my email” or “I’m just quickly replying to an email”), “Why are you always on that computer?” I noted the scorn with which she said the word ‘computer’, especially coming from a 6-year old. I didn’t think I was on it that often. But my perception of reality can be very different from hers. When I get home from work, I check my REAL DADS email, because I can’t check it from work. That is, however, exactly when she wants me – and needs me, because she hasn’t seen me all day. She loves me. There is a very special bond between a daddy and his daughter, especially this daddy and his daughter. She wants to play with me because she missed me. I understand that checking my email only takes a few minutes, but she is very in tune with what I am doing and when. Her perception is one of priority.
So a couple of weeks ago, I stopped checking my emails when I get home. Sorry if it takes me a bit longer than usual to reply to emails. I started building a deck for my wife a while ago. It should have taken about 2 weekends to build. I am almost finished now – 2 months later. When my little 4-year old guy is outside with me, he likes to help pound nails or do whatever he can, because he wants to be with me. When he asks me to push him on the swing, as he is sitting on it already, expectantly waiting, can I tell him that I can’t right now because this board can’t wait to be screwed in? I could. But guess what? The deck will still be waiting for me in a few hours, days or even weeks. My little man won’t be. My kids will come first. I have to see Daddy through their eyes.
Do you forget how to view the world through the eyes of your children? If so, I feel sorry for you. Do what you can to get it back. If you don’t forget, or just need to concentrate on it a little more, then do so. It is well worth it – now and in the long run.
Do you remember those words coming from your father when you were just a child? You are on your summer vacation, you don’t really understand the nature of your father’s work, or why reading the newspaper is so important that it precedes you in your father’s list of priorities. You do know how it felt, though. You know you are off school for two months and you want to spend time with him. Maybe it was something else. Maybe you knew not to disturb your father while he was watching the football, baseball or hockey game on TV. Whatever it was, it was crushing to you.
This summer holiday (even if it is only a holiday for your kids, and not you), remember that feeling. When your little ones, kids or grandchildren, want you to do something with them, consider how they feel.
It is so easy for us, as men, to get into a selfish mode. In fact, that is one of man’s greatest faults – selfishness. More than anything, we are selfish with our time; and more than anything, our time is the one thing with which we cannot afford to be selfish when it comes to our children. I have said time and again that time is the most important gift you can give to your children. The newspaper can wait. Another game will be on tomorrow or next week. Kids will only take the “I’m busy” response so many times – then they will stop asking. Then you are in trouble, but more importantly, so are they. They will find another person to give them attention, and that person may not be appropriate.
Listen closely to what your children are saying to you, because nobody is as blunt and to the point as a child. I try not to spend much time on the computer when my kids are awake – or so I thought. But the other day, my daughter said to me (after my typical response of “I’m just checking my email” or “I’m just quickly replying to an email”), “Why are you always on that computer?” I noted the scorn with which she said the word ‘computer’, especially coming from a 6-year old. I didn’t think I was on it that often. But my perception of reality can be very different from hers. When I get home from work, I check my REAL DADS email, because I can’t check it from work. That is, however, exactly when she wants me – and needs me, because she hasn’t seen me all day. She loves me. There is a very special bond between a daddy and his daughter, especially this daddy and his daughter. She wants to play with me because she missed me. I understand that checking my email only takes a few minutes, but she is very in tune with what I am doing and when. Her perception is one of priority.
So a couple of weeks ago, I stopped checking my emails when I get home. Sorry if it takes me a bit longer than usual to reply to emails. I started building a deck for my wife a while ago. It should have taken about 2 weekends to build. I am almost finished now – 2 months later. When my little 4-year old guy is outside with me, he likes to help pound nails or do whatever he can, because he wants to be with me. When he asks me to push him on the swing, as he is sitting on it already, expectantly waiting, can I tell him that I can’t right now because this board can’t wait to be screwed in? I could. But guess what? The deck will still be waiting for me in a few hours, days or even weeks. My little man won’t be. My kids will come first. I have to see Daddy through their eyes.
Do you forget how to view the world through the eyes of your children? If so, I feel sorry for you. Do what you can to get it back. If you don’t forget, or just need to concentrate on it a little more, then do so. It is well worth it – now and in the long run.