This shouldn’t take any effort at all!!
One of the greatest things we ever get to do as fathers is love our children. It is great because it is free and highly rewarding. Yet many men do not know how to love their children. They think that they show love by giving them money whenever they need it, or allowing them to do what they want. In no way does that resemble love, in fact, the opposite could be said. There are so many ways to show love to your children and, happily for most of us, none of them need to involve money! Check out the book, Real Boys’ Voices, by William S. Pollack (Random House 2000), and you will hear one common theme: children want their fathers to be with them. Fathers “are central figures, not only in shaping their (children’s) moral lives by teaching, advising, and providing discipline to their sons, but also by nurturing them with love and caring and by doing things with them throughout their childhood and adolescence” (Pollack 236). Fathers play an equally important role in the lives of their daughters. A girl gets her idea of what a man should be from her father. If you are relatively absent in her life, she will try to replace you in ways that are detrimental. Model for your daughter how a man should act. After all, what you show her or don’t show her, is what she will believe.
Time
Quite obviously, the single most important gift you can give to your child. Show your child that they are worth spending time with, and that you want to spend time with them. This will enhance their self-worth and really demonstrate your love for them. Fathers who spend their time working or watching television at night while their children are awake are sending the message that their children are down on the list of priorities. Make time for them. Have a night each week that you spend with just them. Play games with them, ask them what they would like to do. Take an interest in their lives. Attend their events, games and recitals, even when you have something else you were looking forward to doing. They will notice. Put your family ahead of yourself.
Talk to Them
Sounds easy when your kid is young, but when they get to be teenagers, it gets a little trickier. Get into the habit of asking them how their day was, and give them your full, undivided attention (TV off!). Make it a tradition to eat dinner together every night at the dinner table and not in front of the television. Allow them to talk to you about anything, but be prepared to disagree with some things they say—this is called guidance. Sometimes, talking to them will involve not talking—allowing them to cry on your shoulder or express their feelings. What seems like a light drizzle to you, is a thunderstorm to them. Most importantly, tell each child, individually, that you love them, every single day. Don’t assume they know. During the teenage years, many kids don’t think anybody loves them.
Show Emotion
It is OK to show emotion—to both sons and daughters. Proper expression of emotion is perfectly natural and healthy, while bottling them up is not. Your children are never too old to kiss and hug. Many men feel it is not good to show sadness, empathy, or pain to their children, but it shows them that expression of feeling is normal, and allows them to do the same.
Be Fun
Allow children to be children and facilitate the experience. Every child remembers the time Dad had a water fight with them. Joke around with them (do not allow the jokes to be teasing in nature, however), share a private joke with just them, give them a fun nickname, play little harmless practical jokes. Kids of all ages like to have fun with their father. Being fun does not imply drinking with them, swearing around them, making fun of other people with them or letting the rules slide a bit. You are still a father first—do not blur that boundary.
Discipline
This might sound odd to some, but real love for your child implies that you also discipline them appropriately. You must set rules and punish infractions firmly, but lovingly. If you do not, your children will not take you or your rules seriously. Teaching a child rules and morals is one of the biggest and most important jobs a father can do. Punishing your children will often hurt you more than it hurts them, but it must be done. This way you raise a conscientious child who understands that rules apply to them, as well as everybody else. They will have a better chance at growing up to become mature, productive citizens, not spoiled, selfish, overgrown children who feel they must get their own way. Real love may have to look into the future .
Long-term Gain
Loving your child is such a wonderful part of fatherhood. Important things to remember are to spend time with your kids, tell them regularly that you love them, talk to them, show emotion with them, be fun and still be prepared to discipline them appropriately as a father should. This is a recipe to developing a healthy, well-adjusted young adult with the tools to live on their own. After that, you can sit back and reap the rewards of a job well-done! The cycle of abuse is hard to break, but so is the cycle of good fathering!
One of the greatest things we ever get to do as fathers is love our children. It is great because it is free and highly rewarding. Yet many men do not know how to love their children. They think that they show love by giving them money whenever they need it, or allowing them to do what they want. In no way does that resemble love, in fact, the opposite could be said. There are so many ways to show love to your children and, happily for most of us, none of them need to involve money! Check out the book, Real Boys’ Voices, by William S. Pollack (Random House 2000), and you will hear one common theme: children want their fathers to be with them. Fathers “are central figures, not only in shaping their (children’s) moral lives by teaching, advising, and providing discipline to their sons, but also by nurturing them with love and caring and by doing things with them throughout their childhood and adolescence” (Pollack 236). Fathers play an equally important role in the lives of their daughters. A girl gets her idea of what a man should be from her father. If you are relatively absent in her life, she will try to replace you in ways that are detrimental. Model for your daughter how a man should act. After all, what you show her or don’t show her, is what she will believe.
Time
Quite obviously, the single most important gift you can give to your child. Show your child that they are worth spending time with, and that you want to spend time with them. This will enhance their self-worth and really demonstrate your love for them. Fathers who spend their time working or watching television at night while their children are awake are sending the message that their children are down on the list of priorities. Make time for them. Have a night each week that you spend with just them. Play games with them, ask them what they would like to do. Take an interest in their lives. Attend their events, games and recitals, even when you have something else you were looking forward to doing. They will notice. Put your family ahead of yourself.
Talk to Them
Sounds easy when your kid is young, but when they get to be teenagers, it gets a little trickier. Get into the habit of asking them how their day was, and give them your full, undivided attention (TV off!). Make it a tradition to eat dinner together every night at the dinner table and not in front of the television. Allow them to talk to you about anything, but be prepared to disagree with some things they say—this is called guidance. Sometimes, talking to them will involve not talking—allowing them to cry on your shoulder or express their feelings. What seems like a light drizzle to you, is a thunderstorm to them. Most importantly, tell each child, individually, that you love them, every single day. Don’t assume they know. During the teenage years, many kids don’t think anybody loves them.
Show Emotion
It is OK to show emotion—to both sons and daughters. Proper expression of emotion is perfectly natural and healthy, while bottling them up is not. Your children are never too old to kiss and hug. Many men feel it is not good to show sadness, empathy, or pain to their children, but it shows them that expression of feeling is normal, and allows them to do the same.
Be Fun
Allow children to be children and facilitate the experience. Every child remembers the time Dad had a water fight with them. Joke around with them (do not allow the jokes to be teasing in nature, however), share a private joke with just them, give them a fun nickname, play little harmless practical jokes. Kids of all ages like to have fun with their father. Being fun does not imply drinking with them, swearing around them, making fun of other people with them or letting the rules slide a bit. You are still a father first—do not blur that boundary.
Discipline
This might sound odd to some, but real love for your child implies that you also discipline them appropriately. You must set rules and punish infractions firmly, but lovingly. If you do not, your children will not take you or your rules seriously. Teaching a child rules and morals is one of the biggest and most important jobs a father can do. Punishing your children will often hurt you more than it hurts them, but it must be done. This way you raise a conscientious child who understands that rules apply to them, as well as everybody else. They will have a better chance at growing up to become mature, productive citizens, not spoiled, selfish, overgrown children who feel they must get their own way. Real love may have to look into the future .
Long-term Gain
Loving your child is such a wonderful part of fatherhood. Important things to remember are to spend time with your kids, tell them regularly that you love them, talk to them, show emotion with them, be fun and still be prepared to discipline them appropriately as a father should. This is a recipe to developing a healthy, well-adjusted young adult with the tools to live on their own. After that, you can sit back and reap the rewards of a job well-done! The cycle of abuse is hard to break, but so is the cycle of good fathering!