You are sitting in a very important meeting at work, one that could potentially make or break your career, when a colleague interrupts the meeting, and in a panic-stricken voice, tells you that your house is on fire. What do you do? Obviously, you leave the meeting, without apology, and rush home to see how bad it is or if anything can be salvaged. Even if you know there is nothing you can do about it, you could never concentrate enough to be productive in the meeting. You drop everything and attend to what is more important, more pressing.
This reaction seems obvious and understandable. Why is it not so obvious what to do when your child is floundering in school or socially or spending time in the principal’s office, or getting suspended, or acting strangely, or hanging out with people of ‘questionable character’? More importantly than your house going up in flames, your child is going down in flames. Yet, many fathers do nothing, or worse, they spend more time at work to distance themselves from the problem-they-don’t-know-how-to-deal-with.
In both scenarios, a major part of your life is destructing, so treat both of them in a similar fashion – drop everything and attend to what is important. Children do not raise themselves (not properly anyway!), nor do teenagers – so don’t leave them to raise themselves, or to let others raise them for you. Schools are too often left with the expectation that they will raise the children and instil good values and morals in them, but that is not primarily their job. Their job is toreinforce the parents. If you have to reinforce a wall, the understanding is that the wall is there already. Schools and other institutions cannot reinforce what isn’t there. That is your job, Dad. If you have missed the boat on this one, it is never too late – it will be harder – but never too late. From my experience as a Guidance Counsellor, I have discovered that most deviant behaviour exhibited by kids comes as a result of Dad not paying enough attention to them. They act as they do to get your attention. You better give it to them or they will up the ante. Better yet, be preventative and give them the much-needed attention before they do something rash. Drop everything and attend to what is important. If you need to take a leave of absence from work, so be it. If you need to move towns, then do it. If you need to change jobs, to get one that affords you more time at home, good. Be willing to put yourself out and inconvenience yourself for the long-term well-being of your children. Would you be willing to undergo some financial hardship to spend more time mentoring and raising your child? If not, that tells everyone (especially your kids) all they need to know about where your priorities lie. Expect flames.
This reaction seems obvious and understandable. Why is it not so obvious what to do when your child is floundering in school or socially or spending time in the principal’s office, or getting suspended, or acting strangely, or hanging out with people of ‘questionable character’? More importantly than your house going up in flames, your child is going down in flames. Yet, many fathers do nothing, or worse, they spend more time at work to distance themselves from the problem-they-don’t-know-how-to-deal-with.
In both scenarios, a major part of your life is destructing, so treat both of them in a similar fashion – drop everything and attend to what is important. Children do not raise themselves (not properly anyway!), nor do teenagers – so don’t leave them to raise themselves, or to let others raise them for you. Schools are too often left with the expectation that they will raise the children and instil good values and morals in them, but that is not primarily their job. Their job is toreinforce the parents. If you have to reinforce a wall, the understanding is that the wall is there already. Schools and other institutions cannot reinforce what isn’t there. That is your job, Dad. If you have missed the boat on this one, it is never too late – it will be harder – but never too late. From my experience as a Guidance Counsellor, I have discovered that most deviant behaviour exhibited by kids comes as a result of Dad not paying enough attention to them. They act as they do to get your attention. You better give it to them or they will up the ante. Better yet, be preventative and give them the much-needed attention before they do something rash. Drop everything and attend to what is important. If you need to take a leave of absence from work, so be it. If you need to move towns, then do it. If you need to change jobs, to get one that affords you more time at home, good. Be willing to put yourself out and inconvenience yourself for the long-term well-being of your children. Would you be willing to undergo some financial hardship to spend more time mentoring and raising your child? If not, that tells everyone (especially your kids) all they need to know about where your priorities lie. Expect flames.