"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" - Anonymous
As an educator, I have used the above saying many times - and it has rarely been in positive situations. It is quite easy to see when a parent has effective disciplining skills without ever meeting the parent. More often than not, if a child has consistently poor behaviour, the parent is not disciplining effectively. Inconsistent discipline has been shown to be worse than no discipline; if a child gets in trouble for one thing, then they should get in trouble for that same thing each time they do it.
This is an awkward stance to take in a school setting, where the student has more than one teacher. Each teacher will have different rules and tolerances, however, teachers are rarely (note I did not say never) unfair in their consequences to the child’s behaviour. I have seen many parents stick up for their children, to get them out of the detention, to excuse the late homework, or to excuse the skipping of a class. If you have made a false excuse for your child to his or her school to get him or her out of trouble, sorry, but you blew it. As far fetched as it may sound to you, having Daddy “bail you out”, will lead to Daddy needing to literally “bail you out” – of jail. Behaviours escalate when there is no consequence. Kids will begin to think that there is no consequence for their negative behaviours, or that Daddy will get them out of trouble. That WILL backfire one day, and you will not be able to get them out of trouble. Let them face the music for the smaller things – that will help them to avoid the bigger things altogether in the future.
Remember, you need to be a “father first…friend second”. Discipline actually shows them that you care. I was talking with a student one time who told me that he really didn’t have rules or a curfew at home. I asked him if he wished that he had some rules to follow. He quickly said yes. Don’t try to be “the cool dad” by being permissive. Your child will not thank you later for the leniency.
Stay REAL!
As an educator, I have used the above saying many times - and it has rarely been in positive situations. It is quite easy to see when a parent has effective disciplining skills without ever meeting the parent. More often than not, if a child has consistently poor behaviour, the parent is not disciplining effectively. Inconsistent discipline has been shown to be worse than no discipline; if a child gets in trouble for one thing, then they should get in trouble for that same thing each time they do it.
This is an awkward stance to take in a school setting, where the student has more than one teacher. Each teacher will have different rules and tolerances, however, teachers are rarely (note I did not say never) unfair in their consequences to the child’s behaviour. I have seen many parents stick up for their children, to get them out of the detention, to excuse the late homework, or to excuse the skipping of a class. If you have made a false excuse for your child to his or her school to get him or her out of trouble, sorry, but you blew it. As far fetched as it may sound to you, having Daddy “bail you out”, will lead to Daddy needing to literally “bail you out” – of jail. Behaviours escalate when there is no consequence. Kids will begin to think that there is no consequence for their negative behaviours, or that Daddy will get them out of trouble. That WILL backfire one day, and you will not be able to get them out of trouble. Let them face the music for the smaller things – that will help them to avoid the bigger things altogether in the future.
Remember, you need to be a “father first…friend second”. Discipline actually shows them that you care. I was talking with a student one time who told me that he really didn’t have rules or a curfew at home. I asked him if he wished that he had some rules to follow. He quickly said yes. Don’t try to be “the cool dad” by being permissive. Your child will not thank you later for the leniency.
Stay REAL!