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Chapter 2 - Grace, not grief; conviction not condemnation

12/2/2022

7 Comments

 
Well, now this can be a tough chapter for many of us! I like the scenario Robert gives at the beginning of the chapter, because it can apply to almost all of us in that when we look at the 10 Commandments, for example, we often tend to think that we do pretty good in those terms. That, however, is only when we look on the surface of the commandments and don't really get into what they really mean. I did an exercise with a group of teenagers once where we discovered that they (and I also) were guilty of breaking every single one of the commandments! If we look at what what is meant behind each one, we will realize that we don't have it all together on most of them - or any of them! There is no room for self-righteousness here! Even if we have nine of them that we have mastered but still have one area that falls into our 'darling sin' category, we are still guilty of breaking them all. That is difficult! One of the most poignant lines that stuck out to me was on page 27, was "Everyone knew the law said adultery was forbidden, but they only applied that in the physical world, not the spiritual, mental, and emotional." I find that we often try to excuse ourselves by saying that we aren't acting on it. Well that is only one part of it. I remember a happily married man telling me long ago, when an obviously attractive woman went by and he leered at her and commented, "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat your dinner at home!" Well, it turns out it DOES matter!  On page 32, Robert talks about the single guy who says, "when I get married, I will be so in love and ready for a wife that lust won't be an issue anymore," which he also points out is a great lie of Satan. I have found this to be so true in my life as I look on my past actions and how I lived before God got a hold of me. Even after I got married, it was still a struggle because that is the habit I had nurtured. It is much easier to form a habit than to break it!
Changing gears a little bit, on page 30, Robert states that "we spend so much time now on all the things we need to stop that we struggle to take the time to discuss what we should start." This is observantly saying that we are so often on the defensive that we don't have the time or energy to be on the offensive. Try winning a sporting event playing only defense and no offense! This is something that I have honestly never heard preached from the pulpits or at a men's breakfast! If we are on the offensive, we are not just trying to not think about other women lustfully, we are thinking about our own wives. Try thinking about your wife when you see an attractive woman who may make your thoughts wander a bit...it really does change things! 
OK - I need to stop talking! What gripped you guys most about this chapter?
7 Comments
bruce davidson
20/2/2022 12:56:54 pm

this chapter was scary. let me get to the point . most of us will take a second look at a person we see , especially if that person is attractive. but if we go further in our minds with it. there is an issue. but we as men cannot just be on the defense or just on the offence with any issue. sports teams that have only one and not the other have never succeeded. we need both and we need each other. when the enemy throws something our way. and he is very subtle and sly about it. we can only hope that our suit of armour of God will make us aware of the temptation no matter how small it is. praying everyday and reading the scripture at least weekly i think is a good start. i hope i have not been too long winded :-)

Reply
Brad
21/2/2022 01:28:37 pm

Not long winded at all, Bruce! I think you are bang on about needing both offence and defense. It is impossible to win a battle without both. Good call!

Reply
Awreck
21/2/2022 01:00:49 pm

so - adultery. No guy wants to have to think of himself as an adulterer.
Didn't they used to get stoned?? - (oh no, that's just the women ones - whew). What a shot to our self image, to our self esteem. No the modern church, or post modern church can't start calling guys out and affecting self esteem - good grief you'd get better reception with a sermon about Revelation (y'know one that goes past chapter 3).
Well, here is the thing as I see it... Christ would never say this as an accusation. He is NOT the accuser!
But he isn't concerned with our self esteem or self image either - not as we think of those things. He says this as a matter of self awareness; discernment; truth and self control to find a true image, a true esteem in him. Not pride - but esteem in the knowledge that He has made us worthy in the eyes of the Father and so we are to make ourselves worthy of that. Make ourselves living sacrifices.
Now that's all easy to say. Ridiculously easy to type here in a blog.
But when I reflect on the times when I have "caught" myself taking that second look, that Robert talks about and never even considering what that could mean in the long run. I guess I didn't give the 2nd look a 2nd thought because I know I'd never to cheat sexually on my wife.

That's funny that that is how it's phrased - one "commits adultery".
That's kind of what the book is saying; you commit to the act as soon as you let that 2nd look sink in. Just taking the 2nd look isn't a free pass and I will admit that since reading this book I have "committed myself" to stopping that 2nd look. And stopping it there is a key to our behaviour. But Robert makes great point that our Purity isn't just about sexual purity but let's say general behavioural purity. This make me think of another lessen I've heard on adultery, and he touched on it too.
Adultery can happen on at least three levels: physical, mental and emotional. The latter too don't require sex but just an intimate interest in something other than our spouse; another relationship that takes precent. Notice how close Adultery and Idolatry sound to each other.
Maybe some guys have an affair with golf, or cars, or hunting or drinking with the guys; or spending time with another person who "gets us"...??
What would we give up time with our wives to indulge in?
What have we 'committed' to in place of our spouse?

And Im not talking about coaching little league, or playing a round on a weekend or having a hobby. I mean when it takes the place of a relationship with our wives; when we have a spare $20 or twenty minutes it goes to that thing.
Is that an Idol?
Is that adulterous?

I'm no genius; nor an expert and I am sure as (naughty word here) not perfect, or even close. but I have learned the truth of the only marriage advise my dad dared to give me 26 years ago... "Make her the most important person in your life". It has taken most of those 26 years to really do that. I have decided to 'pass' on things. I love golf but between being on the links with my buddies and sitting on the porch drinking coffee on a warn Saturday morning and just staring at my wife - I'll take the porch every time now.
Ive seen many marriages fall apart and I believe that in large part, it comes down to WHY. Why did you get married?
For what you could get? - or what you could give?
and yes I know that know one gets married with that altruistic purpose, I'm just saying that it really has to be seen as a relationship with responsibilities from both sides. just as the passages Robert quotes, explain. There is not abbreviated version of the marriage covenant.
I've based my own marriage advise (loosely) on this... "Never marry a woman that can't take you in a fair fight"
that's not promoting marital violence. It simply means to be equally matched and to have complete respect for one another. I just like the way mine sounds, and so does my wife i think, LOL


Okay - I know I've just written my own little book here. if you read it all, thanks. If you gave up half way thru - well I can say anything I want to you, you'll never know... you little.......... (jk)

peace - prayer - practice

Reply
Brad
21/2/2022 01:33:49 pm

Guys - please take 3 minutes to read "Awreck's" posting in full - this is full of profound thought and wisdom. I don't want to tarnish it by commenting on it but suffice to say that I am, as always, with you my brother! Very well said!

Reply
Shawn Van De Visch
21/2/2022 10:26:57 pm

Hello Brothers,
I appreciate the commentary on this chapter - it was indeed a hard-hitting chapter but a good reminder of living a life of purity.

It was an incredible honour to be able to discuss the reading with my 15yr old son. I was able to talk about the difference of how I was raised - of being given a book by Dr.Dobson and never getting a chance to ask questions or discuss what I was reading. My dad wasn't around and church certainly didn't talk about sexuality in a way that allowed for young men and young women to make the best decisions. So to say I was glad to be able to speak freely with my son about the benefits of biblical purity, may be an understatement!

I really appreciated the quote on page 30 that "biblical purity is so much deeper and broader than just sex. It is about our inner life, our thought life, and the deep recesses of our hearts, which is what Jesus was actually addressing."

'Purity', when I was younger missed the mark because it was so narrow focused - the focus of this chapter and in what Jesus was pointing towards, demands a deeper assessment of the matter of our heart, soul and mind. I can only hope and pray that the conversation my son and I had this past week will lead to more conversations about living for the Lord in every area of our lives.

God bless you brothers!
Shawn

Reply
Awreck
21/2/2022 10:51:53 pm

it's so great that you have been able to engage with your son on this, without getting shut down. Admittedly, I'm still thinking of how to open the discussion. He is a good kid but i definitely know how the influence of friends and media can press heavily on a young man.
but I am encouraged.

Reply
Brad
26/2/2022 11:07:00 am

So true. I feel everyday I am fighting with the world for my son's soul...mainly because I am!




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