I am pretty sure I have mentioned that one of the reasons I like Robert Noland's writing so much is his ability to use metaphors. The initial one of the fireplace to sex is so bang on. The personal devastation it can cause being done in the wrong place is immense!
Besides that metaphor, the first passage that really struck me was at the bottom of page 58: "...all to often the people hurt and affected by the sexual wildfire that he set are more likely to later begin setting fires of their own, born from the pain and the wounds created in them." There is so much truth to this. As a high school guidance counselor for 13 years of my career, I have seen it so often that Dad or Mom has an affair, leaves the family to be with the other person, and the kids are left in limbo, believing that this is what love is - temporary, until something better comes along. No wonder kids start having sex earlier - it isn't deemed as important and the partner is seen as expendable. 
I would also like to look at the top of page 60 and make a confession. "The enemy will then use sex as a source of shame, guilt, and regret for many years, sometimes a lifetime, far past when the act is over." I didn't fully turn to the Lord until my mid-twenties. Before that, I abused God's gift of sex. While I know I have been forgiven of that, it is sometimes difficult to get past regret and the problems that it causes years later. It can become a thorn in one's flesh, as something can happen that will make you dredge it up. I know I need to be cautious in this area, because if I let my guard down, Satan will pounce - and it will likely be in the form of an attractive woman. You see, I had a parent who was unfaithful. Both of my brothers eventually had a child out of wedlock, and I was just fortunate not to. As parents, we have to guard this area!
The rest of the chapter is about pornography, so I want to leave it to you to discuss or think about. Just understand that if porn is a vice for you, you are not alone! The stats show that about 3/4 of men have a porn addiction of some sort - and being a Christian does not preclude you from that stat! In fact, the last stat I saw was that about 60% of pastors, struggle with pornography!! That blows my mind!
Protect your kids, men...at all costs, protect your kids!

Another meaningful chapter if you are trying to change your habits and your life. Lust is such a hidden for many men. If you never struggle with it, good for you! But then take Noland's advice at the end of the chapter (page 51) and "pray for your brothers, the guys in your circles, who need to take action to end their sin and addiction".
Right off the bat, Noland breaks down lust to be "trying to meet a need on our own, rather than giving the authority to God and allowing Him to meet the need in His way" (page 43). This is after stating that lust is not a sexual issue but a heart problem. He continues to go beyond the superficial and talks to the root of the problem, which is something we need to do in all areas of our lives. This may be new to many of us as we may just assume or dismiss lust as a sexual issue. Yes, it manifests itself in a sexual way, but isn't it true that it really is a heart problem (like all sin)?
A big part of the chapter is spent talking about Dawson McAllister's definition of lust: "Caring more for a woman's body than her soul" (page 45). There is such truth to that! I was always told that when you feel lust towards a woman remember that she is someone's little girl. That used to not mean all that much to me...until I had a little girl of my own! Now, that "little girl" is a 19-year-old beautiful woman, and I would be lying if I said that I am not on the look out for men leering at her when I am with her. My favourite line is: I don't mind going back to jail! ;) When you look at woman as someone's little girl, it really does change your perspective on them and it changes your thoughts towards them.
I can see a theme developing with Noland. That is of being on the offensive and not staying defensive. I like this thought a lot and want to try to incorporate it into my daily life, in all areas. If, on the offensive, you are caring for the souls of women, then you are not so much on the defensive of trying to not lust. This makes a lot of sense to me and solidifies the concept of offensive vs. defensive. 
​Anyway, much can be said here, and I don't want to try to say it all, but please let us all know what you think!

As an educator, I have used this as my mantra for decades - you must treat the source, not just the symptoms, otherwise, the symptoms will come back. Not just the same ones, either, but more and worse ones. I have always believed that you cannot properly teach a child school stuff when they are hungry, or being hit at home, or experiencing daily fighting amongst their parents. School is just lower on the hierarchy. 
Right at the beginning of the chapter, Noland gets right to his insights. On pages 35-36, I find it very meaningful when he says, "If you are at the place where you are telling yourself, I can't murder this person, or I can't commit adultery with her, aren't you past the front door and already dangerously into the house?" It's so true! There are certainly different stages of sin, each one sinking us deeper into it than the previous one. It is important to note that he goes on to say on pages 36-37, "If someone stands at your front door with a temptation, just because they are at your door does not mean you have sinned...The opportunity to sin is not a sin." Once we have invited that sin in - it becomes a sin. This is worth remembering!
Another profound passage (to me) is the last full paragraph on page 37. I won't quote it because it is too long, but please have a careful read of it, as it addresses treating the symptoms. Similarly, isn't that what confession is about? I find that people who regularly confess their sins are really just confessing their symptoms, not the source. When we confess our sins to God, we also need to ask Him to help us address the root cause of our sin (which, incidentally, I have found is usually based around pride in some way - at least for me). In fact, later on in the chapter, on page 40, he says, "Confession is not an end, but simply a beginning to the process of restoration." That is actually worth repeating! Do you find yourself confessing the same sin to God fairly regularly, maybe daily? A lot of times it's because we treat it as the end - we've confessed it so we can move on. The problem is the root is still there. Like pulling the head off a dandelion, we haven't really done much at all except taken care of aesthetics for a day. 
Finally, so as not to talk too much more, I just want to say that the scripture Noland leaves us with at the end of the chapter, Romans 8:5-6 is one that I personally find very meaningful in my life right now - as in this very minute. It can be such a battle, can't it, guys?

Well, now this can be a tough chapter for many of us! I like the scenario Robert gives at the beginning of the chapter, because it can apply to almost all of us in that when we look at the 10 Commandments, for example, we often tend to think that we do pretty good in those terms. That, however, is only when we look on the surface of the commandments and don't really get into what they really mean. I did an exercise with a group of teenagers once where we discovered that they (and I also) were guilty of breaking every single one of the commandments! If we look at what what is meant behind each one, we will realize that we don't have it all together on most of them - or any of them! There is no room for self-righteousness here! Even if we have nine of them that we have mastered but still have one area that falls into our 'darling sin' category, we are still guilty of breaking them all. That is difficult! One of the most poignant lines that stuck out to me was on page 27, was "Everyone knew the law said adultery was forbidden, but they only applied that in the physical world, not the spiritual, mental, and emotional." I find that we often try to excuse ourselves by saying that we aren't acting on it. Well that is only one part of it. I remember a happily married man telling me long ago, when an obviously attractive woman went by and he leered at her and commented, "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat your dinner at home!" Well, it turns out it DOES matter!  On page 32, Robert talks about the single guy who says, "when I get married, I will be so in love and ready for a wife that lust won't be an issue anymore," which he also points out is a great lie of Satan. I have found this to be so true in my life as I look on my past actions and how I lived before God got a hold of me. Even after I got married, it was still a struggle because that is the habit I had nurtured. It is much easier to form a habit than to break it!
Changing gears a little bit, on page 30, Robert states that "we spend so much time now on all the things we need to stop that we struggle to take the time to discuss what we should start." This is observantly saying that we are so often on the defensive that we don't have the time or energy to be on the offensive. Try winning a sporting event playing only defense and no offense! This is something that I have honestly never heard preached from the pulpits or at a men's breakfast! If we are on the offensive, we are not just trying to not think about other women lustfully, we are thinking about our own wives. Try thinking about your wife when you see an attractive woman who may make your thoughts wander a bit...it really does change things! 
OK - I need to stop talking! What gripped you guys most about this chapter?

Welcome Gentlemen!
I hope that this idea will work and that we will all get something out of the book and each others comments and replies.
Right off the top, please be sure to read the introduction. It is very short, but also very poignant. The focus is not being the men we should be, despite our strong desire to be. Do not overlook this! This has been very meaningful to me, especially, over the last little while. To paraphrase Paul - I do what I don't want to do, and I don't do what I want to do. If you really let that sink in, it is a helpless condition - but one many of us share. On page 6, the quoted scripture at the end from the Message version kind of kidney punches me. It is so clear and highlights one of my own frustrations. 
I would also like to point out Noland's distinguishing of 'do' and 'be' on the next page: "Do is an action which we start and stop, while be is a state we are in, or a reality, an "actuality". This is a great way to distinguish the difference between the two. It isn't a play on words - it is a way to make us more conscious of what state we are currently in - are we being, or doing when it comes to our spiritual walk?
In the first chapter, on page 14, Noland tell about a friend who names a condition "slot-machine faith" - a very appropriate name. I have had a few guys randomly email as tell me that they have screwed up their relationships with their children, and wanted to know how to get it back. I gave them advice on what I thought they had to do, and asked them to let me know how it turns out...they never email back. Did they forget? Not likely. Chances are they were unwilling to follow the difficult, humbling, self-sacrificing advice they received. They wanted a 'slot-machine' fix. 
I don't want to steal anyone else's thunder, since I have the advantage of being the first to comment on this chapter, but there is one more nugget of wisdom I would like to point out: On page 17, Noland succinctly says, "We can only become great at what we apply." For example, I love hockey. I watch almost all of the Leaf games on TV and I have coached my son's teams for 10+ years. I understand the game very well. I didn't, however, as matter of finances, play the game (apart from road hockey) until I turned 30. Even then, it was only ever shinny. Despite all my knowledge of hockey, was I great at it? Absolutely not - because I didn't apply that knowledge enough to become great. I did apply that knowledge to baseball and considered making a career of it. Knowledge is not enough. We have to apply it!
I am eager to hear what you guys all thought of this chapter, and what stood out to you.
​Stay REAL!

Welcome to the home page for the interactive blog on the Robert Noland book, Believe Become Be. I think we will see some good things happen here over the next few months! For those who are participating, let me give you some basic instructions in case you are a bit of a techno-Luddite.

Each week, I will post an introductory comment for the chapter. All you need to do is to click on the Comment button at the top or bottom of each posting that you want to comment on. This will allow you to post a response of your thoughts, reflections and reactions. 

Ground rules:
1. We are all at different stages in our walk with Jesus and with the material presented by Noland. We may think we have one chapter mastered, but then the next one sucker punches us (Noland tends to write that way, which is why he is so effective in ministering to men!). We all have our vices and none of us is perfect.
2. Understand that it is OK to disagree with each other in love and without offense. None of us have this all figured out, so the more open we can be with our struggles, the more we will get out of this.
3. I suggest using our first names only when posting so others who are not within our group cannot identify who, exactly, is writing. 
4. The beauty of a blog is that you can comment at anytime of the day you want; you are not limited to thinking of something to say within a few seconds.
5. You can comment as often as you wish on anyone else's posting. The more we engage with each other, the better. 
6. Try to interact regularly. This is how relationships are made. We get to know each other through our postings, so if you make hardly any or just superficial postings, we won't really get to know you well. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. If you are afraid you are the only one going through something, you almost assuredly are not. 

Let's do something special here, men!